Anger tends to build up inside and can often come out in unhealthy ways. When we feel angry, with heart racing and emotions running high, it can be difficult to choose a healthy way of coping.
While anger is often what is initially seen and felt, we refer to anger as a secondary emotion because other emotions are underneath contributing to our anger. When you notice anger, be curious and take the time to identify and reflect on your underlying emotions. What is underneath the anger?
Psychotherapist and author Dr. Allison Cook writes about befriending anger. She suggests that by working to understand our anger and calming our nervous system, we have an opportunity to process our anger from a place of advocacy rather than emotion.
There are many strategies for dealing with difficult emotions and calming our nervous system. Next time you notice anger building inside of you, consider utilizing one of the following grounding techniques to calm your body before seeking to understand the emotions beneath your anger.
Deep breathing: Breathe in for a count of four and exhale for a count of six. Close your eyes if that is comfortable for you and place your hands on your belly, focusing on its rise and fall with your breaths. Repeat inhales and exhales for four rounds or as long as needed.
Five senses: Look around you and name five things you can see. Next, close your eyes, focus on what you hear. Name four things you can hear. Open your eyes and focus on what you can touch. Feel three things. Turn your attention to your sense of smell. Take a deep breath and identify two things you can smell. Finally, focus on what you can taste. Name one thing you can taste, or simply remember a favorite taste.
Distraction: Find a healthy distraction. Step outside for a walk. Pick up a crossword puzzle, or engage in mindful coloring. Turn on a favorite song. Distraction allows time to calm emotions in order to come back to them if needed at a later time.
Anger is addressed in numerous places in the Bible, including in Psalm 37:8, “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.” Anger does not have to lead to an explosion. Slowing down, calming our nervous system, and curiously exploring the source of our anger empower us to learn from our anger and use it as a tool for advocacy rather than destruction.
If you are struggling with anger or in your relationship with yourself or others, we are here to help! Give us a call or send an email at counseling@burkecommunity.com.
